Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is REAL.
Whether you realized it when you were pregnant or you're feeling it now, it's there. For me, it began the moment I found out we were pregnant. The panic set in. Panic that I was pregnant and a baby was forming inside me. Panic that I was probably intoxicated when this baby was already conceived. Maybe you didn't panic when you found out you were pregnant, but you did during your pregnancy. Trying so hard to make sure you weren't eating or doing anything that could harm your unborn child. Or if you're super chill, the panic didn't set in until literally you were in labor and about to have this babe come out of you.
HOLY SHIT THIS BABY HAS TO COME OUT!?
If you're just a complete bad ass and you didn't panic amidst labor, then you must have panicked once you brought that little one home for the first time. Once the realization sets in that this nugget is relying on you and you alone for survival, well that's the single most overwhelming feeling ever. Whenever you felt this sheer panic,
I'm sure the guilt soon followed. It always does.
If you're reading this and you're a mom, you've been there. Too many times we question our parenting. Am I a bad mom? Should I be doing this or that differently? Should I be sleep training? Should I stay at home with my baby? Should I be breastfeeding? Should I go back to work? Am I a bad mom if I want to go out with friends? It's actually overwhelming the amount of times you question yourself as a new mom, but it definitely gets better as time goes on.
When my daughter was about 3 months old, the Cubs were in the World Series. We of course wanted to watch the games with all of our friends and with the rest of Chicago. I was breastfeeding at the time, so at that point it was just easier to have Claire with me at the bar. At one point, I went to breastfeed her in the bathroom and of course since it wasn't a "family friendly" bar, there really wasn't a place to feed her. So, I snagged up the solo restroom, took a seat on the floor and breastfed her next to a toilet. Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do! After multiple knocks at the door and bar-goer after bar-goer wondering what the hell this lady was doing in there, I came out on the other side. I had done it! Woohoo I can now enjoy the game. Immediately upon exiting the bathroom, I got "the look". The look of utter disgust and confusion on those who had been waiting in line. If any of these people waiting would have been a mom they would have understood in a heartbeat, but for these people it was just gross. I shrugged it off and enjoyed the rest of the evening. Of course at the time I didn't really think anything of it, but the next day I immediately started questioning my parenting tactics. Did I really need to be at the bar for the game? Could she get sick or get an infection from all the germs in the bathroom?
Am I the worst mom ever?
No, of course she wasn't going to get sick from breastfeeding in the bathroom and no I didn't NEED to be at the bar watching the Cubs in the World Series, but I WANTED to be there. Actually, that was probably the BEST possible thing I could have done at the time. No, this didn't make me a bad mom, I just needed socialization aside from coo's and cries of a baby and honestly momma needed a drink!
#momoftheyear
Let's be honest, babies are much more resilient than we think. All they need is a little TLC and of course milk. I could literally go on and on about the guilt we feel as moms, but I won't bore you. I just want to remind all those mom's out there that questioning your parenting skills and your "mom-hood" is totally normal. It's nothing to feel ashamed of or insecure about. It's a natural feeling once you have a child and to be honest it's not going anywhere. To combat these insecurities, I try to remind myself that I not only carried this human inside my belly for 9+ months, but I also pushed it right out. Well not "right" out, but that's another story for another day. Either way, your love for your child is way stronger than any feelings of guilt we have as new moms.
We literally create human-life, we give that life to the rest of the world and then on top of it all, we sustain it.
End of story. Now go have a drink - you deserve it.
Still feeling guilty? Here are 5 tips to help reduce your
MOM GUILT (or any type of guilt for that matter)
Stop the cycle of comparing yourself to other moms (I know this is a tough one, but just try your hardest)
Be OK with being unproductive and recognize that doing nothing is often times everything
Try to find value in the process as a parent and not focus so much on the end product (i.e. when will my child crawl or walk)
Combat the negative self-talk and remind yourself that you've got this
Expectation vs. Appreciation - here it is again. Try not to expect so much of yourself, of your spouse, your child and of motherhood. Expect less and appreciate more.
Have you had similar experiences? Share your story below in the comments field!
